Last night, Stephen Colbert had his final show of 2013 with a lament over Phil Robertson's suspension from A&E's Duck Dynasty for his homophobic and racist remarks.
Nation, this is my final show before the 2013 celebration of Christmas, which of course I love.  I also love that I'll be leaving 2013 on a furious note.  Because the PC police have pulled over yet another patriot.
GOOD MORNING AMERICA (12/19/2013): Duck Dynasty is making headlines for off-camera drama.  Phil Robertson, the star of the A&E hit show, has been suspended indefinitely from filming the reality show after making controversial remarks.
This is a terrible day for Americans, though admittedly, a pretty good day for ducks.
Now just why did A&E A&ax him?  Because this good Christian man spoke his mind to GQ about the gays, saying:
PHIL ROBERTSON: It seems like, to me, a vagina — as a man — would be more desirable than a man's anus.  That's just me.  I'm just thinking: There's more there! ... But hey, sin: It's not logical, my man. ... Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there.  Bestiality.
(shocked audience laughter)
Now I'll admit it's not the eloquent speech you might expect from a backwoods Louisiana bird murderer, but he does have a point.  The vagina does have more there.  I mean, let's face it, it's a train wreck.  Who knows what's going on with that business?
Fans rallied to him, with 55,000 signing a petition saying:
Mr. Robertson's comments in GQ Magazine are simply reflective of a Biblical view of sexuality, marriage, and family.
Yeah!  It's right there in the Bible:
(audience laughter and applause)
It's true.  But folks, tonight....
(audience cheering and applause)
Tonight we are all Phil Robertson.  Phil has taught us so much.  Like this bit of eternal wisdom.
PHIL ROBERTSON: If you catch a squirrel for your woman, your woman will never cut you off... in bed.
(audience laughter)
And if she does, hey, you still got the squirrels.
And it's not like he singled out homosexuals, he also waxed nostalgic for the Jim Crow era, saying:
PHIL ROBERTSON: I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person.  Not once. ... They're singing and happy.  I never heard one of them, one black person, say, 'I tell you what: These doggone white people'— not a word! ... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy?  They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.
(shocked audience gasps)
Yes!  Black people had nothing to sing the blues about.  For Pete's sake, they got their own water fountains!
(shocked audience laughter)
In fact, they had it so good, white people pretended to be them.
(shocked audience laughter)
I tell you who I feel sorry for, folks: A&E.  With this controversy, they may have just lostDuck Dynasty's massive black and gay audience.  (audience laughter)  We'll be right back.