Vatican City, 24 October 2013 - Pope Francis ordains two new bishops

"The Bishop of Rome did not employ the traditional Benedictine arrangement as alleged.  That is to say, the picture in question is merely an optical illusion.  The candles were in fact arranged at precisely a 45 degree angle.  In the alternative, to the extent that the candles and altar cross were placed horizontally, that is to say, in a straight line, that is to say, not at a 45 degree angle or at any angle, this was the result of a last minute rearrangement of the altar perpetrated by a devious and cunning SSPX double agent masquerading as a master of ceremonies, but quite against the Bishop of Rome’s express wishes."

"This is a clear sign that the Holy Father accepts that the action taken to restrict the Franciscan Friars of the Immaculate saying the Extraordinary Form of the Mass was an error of judgment, and he will be reversing his decree forthwith.  Furthermore, there are reports being circulated that the Most Supreme Pontiff employed an ungracious amount of Italian during the Mass.  This is not so.  Every word uttered by the Holy Father was in the Church’s mother tongue.  In the alternative, to the extent that the Holy Father did speak in Italian, that is to say, did not speak entirely in the Church’s mother tongue, that is to say, for large sections of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass did not speak in Latin, then this was the result of an agent of the Liturgists’ Liberation Army tampering with the Order of Service, but quite against the Pontiff’s express wishes."